Star Butterfly VS Jackie Lynn Thomas
by anxresi
Summary: In the Red Corner: Princess Star Butterfly, next in line to the throne of Mewni and somewhat erratic magic user. In The Blue Corner: Jackie Lynn Thomas, champion skater and all-round nice girl... until she's pushed. Meanwhile, Janna is unsure which side to take, and a clueless Marco suspects nothing. Who will win this battle of hearts? Someone is going to get their's broken soon...
1. Chapter 1

Princess Star Butterfly, heiress to the throne of Mewni, elite magic user, Earth long-stay visitor and perhaps the most happy-go-lucky person/alien you could ever hope to meet, was feeling positively miserable.

On any other day, you'd probably be able to catch her frolicking jauntily through her adopted neighbourhood of Echo Creek, blasting a usable path through hordes of monsters with her wand utilising the most bizarrely named incantations imaginable, or just trying to find people to help in their everyday menial lives, whether they wanted her own unique brand of assistance, or not.

Today though, she could be found reclining upside down on a sofa seat, kicking her heels against the wall, her long blonde hair covering her face like a shroud of depression. She couldn't even muster the energy to call her mother or best friend Pony Head on the magical mirror phone, which would usually be second nature in such trying circumstances.

Anyone bought up to speed on the latest events that had unfurled over the last few days would immediately draw the conclusion that the reason for her malaise was due to the loss of her book full of mystical spells which had been kept in the Royal Family for generations, and her small, blue, potato chip loving friend/mentor Glossarick who'd dwelt within.

The daring heist of the ancient tome and the tiny weird magical man, by a newly invigorated Ludo and his giant eagle and spider sidekicks, indeed weighed heavily on her mind, and she dread to think what her somewhat eccentric parents would do when they discovered her unforgivable carelessness . But something troubled her even more than than the missing, stolen artefact, or never hearing one of Glosserick's unfathomably cryptic riddles again. Now, what could that be..?

The answer came with a giggling from the front door, and the appearance of a handsome teenage boy of Mexican descent, accompanied by a similarly aged girl with an aqua streak in her hair, and cute freckles on her cheeks. Both were wearing safety helmets and were covered in minor abrasions, having spent the day at the park falling over a lot on a shared skateboard. Neither seemed bothered by the many plasters they'd had to apply to each other's skin however, too busy enjoying each others company while laughing at some 'hilarious' private joke.

Star, who'd been patiently waiting the couple's return since their departure earlier that day because 'she wanted to make sure they were alright', felt her blood uncontrollably begin to boil. _How did_ _ **she**_ _manage to get Marco onto one of those deathtrap thingies_ , she grimaced internally, as she listened to their carefree chuckling. _When I first met him he was scared of his own shadow. Now, he's flipping around sidewalks like some kind of professional skater while holding onto Jackie tightly, as if I couldn't have inspired him to take that kind of risk, and it's_ _ **not fair**_ _. You know what the worst part is, though? I did this to myself..._

It was all so true. Star could have quite easily confessed her infatuation for the boy with the beauty mark on his face at any given moment, but no. She _had_ to be a good friend, and encourage Marco to admit the childhood crush he'd held on his friend Jackie since kindergarten, literally forcing his hand in going over to her and asking her out, all while a small head protruding out of his neck threatened to reveal all of his deepest, darkest secrets... (don't ask).

 _That's always been me_ , she lamented, watching the loving couple nuzzle like it was the most natural thing in the world. _I've always put others first, and been too good at this matchmaking game, leaving no-one for myself afterwards_.

Her non-stop misery was compounded when Marco's mother and father decided to pop up there and then, hugging each with pride at the sight of the fruit of their loins being so unabashedly romantic, while commenting effusively he was "Really growing up", "Found the girl of his dreams" and that "Our fears of him growing up to be a spineless wimp have finally been put to rest."

 _I see I'm getting the credit I deserve for helping to make more gutsy_ , Star thought sarcastically, _really blasted myself in the foot with that little favour, didn't I?_

Her morose self-pity was cut short by Mrs Marco's friendly elbow nudge, who referred to the young loving couple when she whispered in the princess's ear "Don't they look _perfect_ together, Star? They remind me of me and my amado when we started dating. I'm sure they'll stay with each other for as long as we have, and produce lots of adorable ninos. We haven't failed to notice the part you played in their relationship, either! So, from the bottom of my heart, thank you for helping my son find his intended. You truly are a great _friend_ to him..."

" **Uugghh** , I can't take much more of this!" Star had finally reached the end of her tether, her usually genial disposition about to snap on account of the nauseating teenage flirting going on in front of her, and the constant reminders of what she'd lost due to her inexcusable inaction. She tumbled up off the settee, surprising both Mr and Mrs Marco, and cutting short an impromptu kiss from the 'perfect' pair themselves.

She glanced around at the confused, concerned expressions of those present, none of whom had any idea of the mental anguish she was going through right now. They all still believed she was some kind of selfless wing-girl for their precious Marco, helping him realise his crush while being ecstatic, like the rest of them, that her efforts had led to him finding true happiness. Which, of course, was as far away from the truth as Mewni was from Earth.

This strange, new mixture of feelings, which combined frustration, anger and _envy_ was driving her crazy, and making her act out in ways she wasn't used to. She thought of confessing her innermost thoughts to a perplexed Marco there and then, if for no other reason than to relieve the kaleidoscope of emotions currently pounding a hole in the back of her skull.

But she soon reached the conclusion that this would be a most unwise move. Expressing her private secrets to the boy, in front of such a large crowd too, would not only thoroughly embarrass the pair of them, but might even be treated as a huge joke.

After all, she'd pushed Marco so firmly in Jackie's direction, who would believe that the main instigator behind them getting together longed for the boy herself? She'd been too good at hiding her crush, and her hesitance had cost her _dearly_...

Her blue eyes flit from the still bemused Marco to the equally nonplussed Jackie, and despite the princess's current mood of desperation and irritation, she just couldn't hate the girl. Jackie was just way too nice, a good friend to Star who would never wish harm to anyone. The fact that the seashell-obsessed skater now stood between her and the possible love of her life was sheer misfortune. There was no reason this unfortunate situation would stop them from being...

Suddenly, Star had a most wonderful idea. _That's right_... Jackie was a good person, who'd be sure to aid a certain princess with her major dilemma which was weighing her down like a 50-ton weight.

Even _if_ said problem mostly revolved around the fact her friend was going out with Marco, so the only way it could possibly be resolved was by the girl with the aqua streak relinquishing possession of her new boyfriend to royalty. But of course, Miss Butterfly would _never_ do a thing like that...

"Ineedtotalktoyou!" Was all that the other residents in the room heard from the garbled princess, as a flustered Star ran over to Jackie, grabbed the statuesque girl by the hand and literally dragged her through to the kitchen. _This needs to be sorted out_ _ **now**_ , the princess thought anxiously, _before I totally lose my mind_.

"S-star, are you okay? You're acting kind of weird... well, even weirder than usual..." Marco asked with real worry, just before the door was closed on his face.

"I'm _fine_ , Marco! I just need a little 'girl talk' with Jackie here! We'll be finished soon, and then you can go back to massaging each other's lips. Don't forget to feed the laser eye-shooting puppies!" Star abruptly slammed the entrance, leaving her crush and his parents staring at each other in bewilderment.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the wall, Jackie was understandably agitated at being manhandled in such a brusque manner, and thrust her arm away from Star's own in annoyance. "What did you just do back there, dude? That was seriously _not_ cool. You better have a good reason for..."

"I want you and Marco to split up." ... _Oops_

"Huh?!"

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Part 1 of who knows how many. I'll update when I can find the time between juggling my busy life, and doing my other fics. Hope you enjoyed the first part, anyway... :)


	2. Chapter 2

Jackie gazed at a sheepish-looking Star in astonishment, her board dropping to the side out of pure incredulity at what she'd just heard.

As for the blabbermouth princess herself, she could only laugh nervously at the idea of what Jackie might say next, upon hearing her not-so-simple request.

Star hadn't _meant_ to give voice to her secret feelings so blatantly, but once again she'd engaged her mouth before her brain, and impulsiveness had won over subtlety.

Eventually, after a whole two minute stare-off, some of Jackie's trademark laid back temperament returned, although there was still an understandable air of confusion around her reply. "...Why? Is something wrong with him?"

" **No** , no not _all_!" Star waved her hands in protest at the skater's misinterpretation, before adding. "In fact, Marco is as wonderful as a boy could possibly be! How could you even _think_ that?"

"Hey, _you're_ the one saying strange things, like we should break up!" Jackie huffed, unsure where Star was going with this little confrontation. "So, if Marco's happy, and I _certainly_ am, what reason could you have for wanting us to split? After all, it was _you_ who made it all possible in the first place, in case you've forgotten..."

 _Don't remind me_... Star grit her teeth in irritation at the memories, but soon Jackie's truthful words sunk in and the anger was replaced with guilt.

"Y-yeah, I know that..." the princess conceded, glancing down at the horn on one of her shoes, almost wishing she could impale herself on it for how mortified she felt. "I-it's just..."

"Well, spit it out, silly!" Jackie's smile had returned, thinking by now this was just another one of Star's weird yet oddly endearing turns. "Me and Marco want to get back to grinding the streets this afternoon, and later, I'm going to introduce him to a little invention known as the 'half-pipe'! He's _so_ adorable when he's jittery..."

"... **Because I kinda like him myself**!"

Once more, despite firmly promising herself that it wouldn't happen again, Star had blurted out the only thing she wanted to remain undisclosed. _Nice job, brain._ She thought, while covering her mouth in embarassment.

As anyone who knows her well would tell you, it takes a _lot_ to rattle Jackie Lynn Thomas. Just last year, there was a minor earthquake (which wasn't caused by one of Star's spells misfiring, for a change) and the skater just kept on chowing down on her undercooked macaroni and cheese calmly in the school cafeteria, while everyone else cowered on the ground in earnest. Jackie Frost, as in 'cool as ice', that was her nickname.

This unexpected revelation from Star though, shocked her to the core more than anything else she'd heard for a long time . "Y-you... _like_ him? B-but, you've done more than any other person to hook us up together! I-if you really felt that way, w-why didn't you just..."

"Well, maybe 'like' is a bit of a weak word..." Now that Star had finally (albeit unintentionally) unloaded her major burden, it was like someone had just unblocked the faucet, as more and more secrets were dislodged and came leaking out. "I absolutely **LOVE** him. He's the nicest, sweetest guy I've ever met, so much better than the other boys I've been involved with. Did I ever tell you about Tom? What _was_ I thinking, going out with a literal devil..."

"I-I can't believe I didn't see this before..." Jackie wasn't really interested in hearing about Star's exes, and started almost talking to herself. "All that time you've spent together... the dimension hopping he's told me you do... He's even saved your life before, hasn't he? Heck, the two of you live in the same house. Of _course_ , a 'thing' could easily develop. I do wonder though, does he feel the same way about you?"

"Oh _, no, no_. I doubt that..." Star innocently continued to tell the truth, unaware that it was to her detriment. "Remember that strange game we played at the sleepover, where we almost died because someone lied? Well... that was kinda my bad. I said I had a crush on Oskar, when I've known for a while now that _Marco_ is the one for me. When he said he was crazy about you back then, he meant it. Don't worry about my boy, he would never tell a fib."

"I _see_..." Jackie suddenly regarded Star with a raised eyebrow. "So, what you're basically telling me is, you want Marco to break up with a girl he's 'crazy' about, on account of the fact you think you may have a chance with him? Isn't that a little unfair on him?"

"Well, he's already my 'best' friend..." Star exclaimed optimistically, naively thinking the argument was going her way. "So, surely it can't be that much of a stop-gap between that status and 'boy' friend. I'll just have to bide my time, and tell him when I'm ready. Besides, surely you can't feel that strongly about him now. I mean, you've known each other for _years_ , and you've only just started going out. I know I'm asking you to do me a massive favour, but I'd _really_ appreciate it..."

" **No** , Star."

This straightforward, two-word reply shattered the princess's hopes, and caused her world to start spinning, almost off it's axis. "... _N-no_ "? She croaked, unable to say anything else.

Jackie's green eyes took on a hitherto unknown steely quality, as she addressed Star in a determined tone that left no room for doubt. "No, I _won't_ give up this promising new relationship I've started with my childhood friend on account of your speculative interest in him. If you really felt that way about Marco, maybe you should have confessed to him sooner, instead of leading him in my direction. I must admit, I'd never thought about Marco that way before, but now after spending lots of time with him over the last few days, I think I do sorta..."

 _Don't say it. Don't say it._

"... **LOVE** him." Another example of the power a couple of simple words can have on the psyche, caused Star to fall to her feet, silent tears dribbling down her cheeks. _No, this can't be... The Blood Moon. The dance. Our souls entwined for eternity..._

Throughout the rush of failure in her ears, and the solitary perception that life as she knew it was coming to an end, Star felt a sympathetic hand gently land on her shoulder. After all, Jackie was nothing if not conciliatory. "Sorry dude, but I'm sure you'll meet someone else! Look at me, for instance. I thought I'd be riding solo forever, never knowing that the one for me was right under my nose all this time! Just think, if me and Marco hadn't ditched that stupid party and fallen off my skateboard when I busted a wheel, we never would have kissed, and I probably wouldn't have realised my true feelings..."

"Yeah, sorry about breaking your manually operated device..." Star was so firmly entrenched in the pits of despair at this point, she was barely able to process what she was saying. But not to the extent that she missed the last part of Jackie's statement. "Wait a minute... you _kissed_?! I didn't see that part, when I was spying on you with my forbidden spell..."

"Hang on a tick..." Now it was Jackie's turn to pull up Star on something she heard said. "You _ruined_ my skateboard? How is that even possible?! I didn't see you anywhere around. Wait... you were _spying_ on us as well? With a 'forbidden' spell? What were you _thinking_?!"

"E-er _yeah_ , sorry 'bout that, too..." Star tried to clear the air with an apologetic smile, which if anything made her look even more guilty. "It's my new wand, you see. When I get mad, my magic turns green, and things get a little crazy. I should have listened to Glossarick and not used that spell. I swear, as soon as I get him back, I'll pay more attention to his lessons, as boring as they are half the time . Anyway, let's return to the part where you kissed Marco..."

" I don't _care_ about my board!" Jackie suddenly raised her voice, and poked Star angrily in the chest. "You could have caused a _serious_ accident, and all because of your mindless jealousy! What _would_ you have done, if the boy you say you love so much, had been badly injured?! It's one thing to envy what me and him have, it's quite _another_ to almost cause us physical harm! I'm surprised at you, Star. I thought I knew you as a sweet if somewhat excitable girl... I never dreamed you could be so downright... _malicious_! If that's the way you respond to not getting your own way, than maybe Marco is better off with me, and safer. Actually, scratch that... I _know_ he is."

Star knew Jackie's accusations were on the money, but she couldn't just let her 'friend' and now love rival get in all the licks, so she attempted to make a comeback. "Oh, _yeah_? Well, who's the heiress to an entire kingdom? Who can summon up swathes of mystical creatures with a wave of her wand? Who has the ability to travel between worlds with just a snip of a pair of scissors? Let me guess... _not you_! What have you got, besides that coloured streak in your hair, a piece of plastic on wheels and a few extra moles on your face? **Nothing**! You might have stolen Marco's first kiss, but I'm going to win the war! And believe me, Mewnions _never_ lose wars!"

" We'll see about that! I won't lose to some weird alien girl who tattooed hearts on her cheeks! Did your parents even give you permission?"

" For your information, those are _real_! Unlike your hair! And I won't lose to a human girl who... has a boy's name as a surname!"

"... Star, that didn't even make sense."

"...Really? I thought it was a pretty good one."

"I guess I shouldn't expect any less, from the sheltered princess who's comfortable fighting off hordes of monsters, but can't even confess her feelings to the boy she likes. _There's_ logic for you..."

"W-what?! How _dare_ you speak to me like that, Jackie! If we were on Mewni now, I'd have you..."

"Guess what, your royal lameness? We're _not_! So, you're just going to accept the way things are."

"Well, I don't! Marco is _mine_ , and don't you forget it."

"I'm sorry Star, my memory must be playing tricks on me today. All I can recall is the fact that Marco is _mine_."

"We'll see about that!"

"We certainly will!"

Marco, the 'prize' of whom they spoke, decided to enter the kitchen just at the moment both young ladies were standing toe-to-toe, openly snarling at each other, all vestiges of friendship long since departed.

"E-er, _guys_? Are you nearly finished? My mom really needs to start preparing lunch. What's the matter? You both seem a little tense..."

" **Nothing** , Marco. Everything is just peach fuzzy. See you soon, 'Jackie Lynn Thomas'!" Star stamped off towards the stairs, thoughts rapidly going through her head about how to beat the foul seductress that had enslaved her future prince, with a new brand of magic she was unaware of.

"Sooner than you **think** , 'Princess Star Butterfly'! Come on, Marco. We'll get back to the park. I've got a few more tricks to teach you, then I'll treat us to the movies. Let's just get you strapped in..." Now it was Jackie's turn to do the dragging, as a hapless teenage boy found his arm almost being wrenched from it's socket, until he was past his parents and outside. To any casual observer, it was clear who the 'man' in this relationship was.

"And there was me thinking he'd toughened up..." Mr Diaz sighed disappointedly, as cries of help sounded from the porch.


	3. Chapter 3

"Tell me, Pony Head... what do you honestly think of Marco?"

"Ehh... to tell you the truth Star, I used to think he was like, how do you say, a total idiot. But then, we started hanging out together, I got to know him a bit better, and then he helped save me from having my brains scrambled at boarding school which I'll forever be grateful for. So now, I gotta say..."

"You like him?"

"Nah, don't be silly. I only think he's a bit of an idiot now. But he's growing on me. Like that fungus on my horn, do you remember? Last year?"

"...Yeah, let's not go into that right now, Pony Head. I'm a princess, not a veteranarian. I'm not prescribing pills for you ever again."

"Bbbuuttt Ssttaarr..."

"The cutesy eyes with rainbows and hearts aren't going to work this time, either. My parents told me if I abuse the Royal Perogative once more, they'd cut off my hair, ground me 'til I'm an adult and confiscate my spell book. Of course, that last threat no longer carries much weight currently..."

"Huh? What you talkin' about, Star?"

"Oh, who cares, Pony Head? It doesn't matter. Nothing matters anymore. I've lost him forever, and the worst part is, I did this to _myself_..."

"What? I thought you said you were over Tom. Didn't you tell me a while ago that you'd sooner blast a hole in your head than spend another second in his company? Gee girl, you so fickle..."

"No, it's not him, and I said 'leg' not 'head'. Guess who it is, though... **AARGH** I can't handle the tension. It's Marco, Pony Head. You put me under too much pressure, and I cracked. I hope you're very proud of yourself, you incorrigible interrogator..."

Star Butterfly had decided she'd had quite enough of moping around the house, waiting for Marco to return with her mortal enemy from their impromptu date.

Nope, not the evil mastermind known as Toffee or even that persistant shrimp called Ludo, but the most dreaded of dreadful fiends, 'Jackie Lynn Thomas'. The mere words made her very teeth itch, but she'd have to overcome this most diabolical of adversaries to get the prize she longed for _so, so_ much.

Again, Nope. Not the return of the missing part of her wand or even being reacquainted with that mysterious magicman by the name of Glossaryck, but the love of her cherished, dear, sweet Marco. All that time wasted, trying to set-up the teenage boy with his childhood sweetheart, while in blatant denial about her _own_ feelings for her so-called 'best friend'.

Star had been way too selfless, giving her main love rival carte blanche to capture the Man Of Her Dreams, while the princess herself had just sat in the corner with her head in the sand, letting the skateboarder get on with her shameless schmoozing.

Well, it was time to put away the fake smile, the non-existent sisterhood solidarity and the false 'I just want him to be happy' narrative. This was going to be an all-out Love War, with only one victor by the time the deathtoll was assessed. Star would have to practice her war cry, sharpen her battleaxe and prepare for a major battle of the heart. It was going to be brutal, uncompromising and possibly a teensy bit bloody as well.

But first, before all of the plotting, backstabbing, catfights and all-round mayhem could commence, it always helped to have a bit of moral support. With Janna Banana being punished for putting firecrackers in the boys' toilets at school, it fell to Star's oldest chum to pick up the mantle... or bridle, in her case.

Yep, her fellow royal Princess Pony Head had flown her big ol' disembodied head to Earth the moment she'd gotten Star's communication about having an 'urgent matter' to discuss with the equine. She'd traded in a promising date with a young Cerebus to spend time enduring Star's grumbles on an unsophisticated backwater planet populated by total lame-os. But, hey... what are friends for, right?

At first, Star thought the main topic of discussion would be the devastating theft of her magical tome, and the little blue pudding-loving teacher who dwelt within. But yet again, her infatuation with a certain Mexican hunk with a red belt in karate and the most gorgeous beauty mark ever on his soft right cheek hijacked the conversation.

The tragic saga that was her lovelife was now a festering sore she couldn't leave alone, and it was time to expose it to others before it burst, spraying pus everywhere. This wholesome metaphor was not construed when she was eating, fortunately enough.

"Huh, I thought you invited me 'round here to hang out and take selfies with cats on our heads. Turns out it's a lot more interesting than that. My little Star's in _love_!" Pony Head immediately flew over from the cupboard where she'd been searching for oatcakes, eager to hear all the juicy gossip. "So, turd boy, eh? I gotta say Star... you could do a lot better, but you could do a little worse, I suppose. When's your first date, then? If I were you, I'd make him wear that sexy dress he had on when he busted me out of St Olga's. Really matches his disgustingly rosy cheeks, ya know?"

"Actually, that sort of outfit is considered only suitable for _females_ here..." Star said stiffly, in the middle of cutting out all the images of Jackie from the photos she'd taken of them together in her private album. "If he wore that on Earth, he'd get a lot of funny looks and insults from the other inhabitants in the street, and they might even try to beat him up. He'd win of course, but it might delay him from getting to class, or something."

"What? Oh, _heck_ no..." Pony Head shook her single head in exasperation, as she prepared to deliver one of her patented I-told-you-so speeches. "Didn't I like, try to _warn_ you that Earth was an intolerant wasteground of ignorance? Never mind... why don't the two of you spend your first special day together on Transo? Frock-wearing for all the guys there is considered mandatory, eyelashes have to be curled at all time for both sexes and best of all, they have a totally rockin' DJ who pumps out sick beats all year long. So, how about it, Star?"

"Well gee, Pony Head... let me think..." Star suddenly spun about to face her equine friend, with a most unprincessy-frown decorating her usually cheerful face. "That would've been a great idea, only yesterday. It's just... there's a small problem now. Actually, at least _three_ small problems. And they go by the names of Jackie, Lynn and Thomas..."

" **What**?" Pony Head was all businessmare-like all of a sudden, as she abruptly dropped her stolen oatcake to tug brusquely at Star's collar with her mouth. "Well, what are we still doing here, then? We need to go to the fortress of these monsters, and get your man back! We'll sneak in at nighttime, and I'll pummel Jackie and Lynn while you handle Thomas. He sounds like a real bruiser, and you're the one with the wand..."

"No, _no_..." Star slumped down again, her abridged photo collection spilling out onto the floor by her feet. "Jackie Lynn Thomas is just a single horrible, awful, terrible, lucky, _lucky_ individual, and she's not holding Marco prisoner. Well, maybe as a prisoner of love, but I'm pretty sure it's voluntary. At least, all my tests so far indicate that it is..."

"Oh, now I kinda remember her from the sleepover. Wow, that was a wild night." Pony Head picked up one of the cut-out silhouettes of Star's new love rival with her teeth to examine it closer. "Yeah, you can tell something's a bit off about her. What's with those strange marks in her eyes? I ain't seen nothing like that on any other human I've been unfortunate enough to meet. That weird green streak in her hair, too... and that thing she's carrying on wheels? Everyone knows, the _only_ method of transportation worth taking is flight..."

"No, _no_ , **no**!" Star was beginning to melt into the sofa, as she began to wonder if inviting her friend around for comfort was in fact having the reverse effect. "That's the main problem I have, right there! You see, the thing with Jackie is, she's practically perfect in every way for Marco. She shares his interests, is always ready to help him and _never_ gets mad on the regular occasions that he screws up! I feel bad for even hating her, since she's so gosh-darn nice. But I can't control my feelings, and I love him ssoooo much. Oh, Pony Head... whatever shall I do? Maybe I should just g-give u-up..."

The soaring equine reflected on those words carefully, before nipping over to Star's ear to berate her. "Princess Star Butterfly! I'm surprised at you... whatever kind of an attitude is that to take, from such a strong, independently minded female?! Who was it that rescued Marco from Ludo's castle, all on her lonesome?"

Star stopped wallowing in self-pity for long enough to reply. "T-That would be me, I guess."

"And who..." Pony Head continued on the same train of thought. "...Was brave and smart enough to save me from a fate worst than being brainwashed into a perfectly perfect boring pony princess, when she stormed St Olga's to set me and all the other rebellious royals free? Giving the Earth boy some credit too, I suppose."

"Erm... give me a minute..." It took a while for Star to finish deliberating on this all-important question, before the penny finally dropped. "... That would be me, also."

"Now..." Pony Head's eyes flashed for a moment, as the true intention of her cunning plan became clear. "Who is going to go down there right now to kick lil-miss-freckles's nicey-nice butt, and claim what's rightfully hers? You've never admitted defeat before, no matter how fantastic the odds, impossible the chances or size of the queue for goblin dogs. Now, are you with me?"

" **Yeah**! Let's pin her down and give it to her, right in the keister!" Star suddenly leapt up with renewed vigour, and unleashed one of her many random blasts of magic, causing a large hole to appear in the ceiling. It was a good job Marco's parents were such tolerant, intelligent people, and had taken out a special 'Star Butterfly' clause in their home insurance to cover such wanton destruction. "Except, I don't really want to use physical violence, aanndd..."

"Except _what_ , Star?" Pony Head halted preparing the popcorn she was making for the big fight ahead, and turned back to look at her friend with curiosity.

"He's due to return in a few minutes anyway, so there's no point in starting anything big now..." Star remarked, while nervously fidgeting from foot to foot. "Plus, I'm going to be in enough trouble when my folks find out I 'mislaid' the magic book and Glosseryck. I don't need to get into even _more_ bother, and give them the excuse they need to send me back to Mewni permanently..."

"Wait a second... _you lost your magic book_? And you told me, _before_ your parents?" Pony Head starting flying around wildly, while emitting strange anxious neigh-like noises. "Oh, this is bad. This is _real_ bad..."

"Hang on, I mentioned that already, when you first arrived..." Star pointed out, with a raised eyebrow. "And whatever happened to 'friends are always there for another'?

"Forget that..." Pony Head suddenly brandished her scissors and tore a hole in the fabric of time and space, which she was seconds away from nipping into. "My father told me that if I did one more thing wrong, he'd send me off somewhere even _worse_ than St Olga's... like, the 'Glue Factory', whatever that is. Sorry Star, you're on your own this time . My final advice though is don't give in, always reach for your dreams and uh... other such inspirational stuff. Well, see ya. Stay in touch..."

"Hey, _wait_. You can't just leav..." Star commented, but apparently Pony Head 'could'. The portal closed, leaving star all alone and miserable to contemplate how she was going to stop this rapidly growing black hole inside from swallowing her from up entirely.

 _Great what am I supposed to do now_ she lamented, sinking back into the long-established groove she'd made in the couch earlier that day. _My pony friend has abandoned me, my parents are gonna hate me, and the love of my life is in the talons of that, that_...

She could just see the skateboarding seductress now, with her hands probing Marco all over, touching all the spots that _should_ be rightfully hers. Thanks to Jackie's overbearing niceness, a trait that he apparently couldn't resist, it would appear as though JLT had this one sown up. But, _hang on_...

"I'm pretty 'nice' myself..." Star vaulted off the sofa yet again, her hopes returning in a flash. "If I'm sweeter than his childhood sweetheart, perhaps he'll finally see sense and go with the right girl instead! Which would be me, of course! Oh, why didn't I think of this before? All I have to do is figure out how to show how much I truly love him. Hmmmm..."

And, as she pondered how to achieve just that, a single skateboard pulled up outside the house.

...

It had been a rough day for poor, disheveled, put-upon Marco. What had been advertised as The Perfect Date, had been more like My Insane Girlfriend. Here's a selection of some of the 'highlights':

*Being pushed along a busy main road by an enthusiastic Jackie, only missing being hit by a car because the board happened to mount a ramp, depositing him straight into a tar pit.

*As soon as he'd painfully removed all the little black pieces from cotton and skin alike, the pair had gone to see a movie... but not the five-star Oscar nominated for Best Foreign Film Mexican weepfest Marco had wanted to watch, but the seventh entry in the increasingly woebegone series The Accelerated And The Annoyed. Jackie's choice, naturally.

*Having his new girlfriend carry him home(!) and being ready to give her a quick handshake at the front door by means of a 'goodbye', but she had other ideas. A full three minute smoocheroony followed, with Marco's arms firmly forced behind his back by the ever-affectionate Jackie, while the French-kissing girl made sure a certain someone was watching from the window, before signing off with a little spank on his clothed buttocks. "See ya later, sport." A highly inappropriate gesture copied from Janna, no doubt.

Notice what those entries have in common? They spell out 'BAH'. Which summed up the whole sorry experience. 'BAH' indeed.

 _Well, at least after being thoroughly emasculated all day long, I can look forward to some quiet time now with my best friend, Star Butterfly_. He sighed with relief while juggling his keys, trying to find the right one...

He didn't need to find to the end, as the door was nearly thrust off it's hinges in front of him and a nonplussed Marco was greeted by an irrepressible Star, who'd apparently majorly overdosed on caffeine. "Marco-it's-so-good-to-see-you-can-I-take-your-coat-oops-sorry-I've-ripped-it-never-mind-I'll-magic-you-up-another-one-later-hey-your-favourite-TV-show-is-on-let-me-turn-on-the-set-whoops-my-bad-I-didn't-mean-to-smash-the-screen-oh-well-as-long-as-we-have-each-other-that's-all-that-matters-right-who-wants-a-strictly-platonic-hug-I-want-a-strictly-platonic-hug-there-do-you-feel-better-now?"

But Marco didn't 'feel better'. At _all_. And, as he felt as if he was going to choke in Star's superhumanly strong grip, what he didn't realise is that things were about to get a whole lot worse.

...

AUTHOR'S NOTE: I just had to continue this fic after the A-MAZ-ING season finale yesterday. I get the feeling, that why this fic most likely won't be canon now, the conflict between Star and Jackie will. Did you see the look on Jackie's face, when Star admitted she had a crush? Oohh... can't wait! :)

The only drawback is, we'll probably have to wait another year to see all this emotional turmoil resolved. Still, on the plus side, I doubt you'll have to hang on for that long until this fic resumes...

Hopefully... ;)


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